I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
