You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
