he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
