It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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