Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
