absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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