Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
