im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
