Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
