two words: eviction party
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want nice things and good sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
