just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sober January is a disaster.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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