An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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