Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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