when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
