My nipple is on Facebook.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
