there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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