y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
