I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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