No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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