You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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