he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
