She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
