i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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