She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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