im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
