at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
