she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
