found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
