I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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