I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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