remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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