I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
