He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
