i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nutella sex= disaster
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
