We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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