She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
