we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
