God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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