I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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