seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
