Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
