Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
