I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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