Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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