Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize