i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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