It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Randomize
