I hate your face
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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