He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
