The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
