You made me cry and you don't even care
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Four minutes until I can fart!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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