so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
