I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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