Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
