Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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