i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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