i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
NoShamevember. You game?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
