She is in my trunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
