Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
